I needed to move toward hope, spirituality and seeing what could come from the experience, because that is who I am, and it is how I move through life. But I also had many terrifying, sad and angry moments. People need to express the whole range of human emotions they have, and they need to be true to their way of dealing with life—not pretend and push away the dark feelings. Ultimately I think that hurts your body.

Cancer is a disease of toxins, which includes emotional toxicity. Fear is one of the biggest toxins in our life, and by removing or changing our perspective about fear of breast cancer, we remove what feeds the cancer’s growth.
(Beverly Vote, Lebanon, MO, diagnosed in 2002 at age 37)

Stay positive by expressing your feelings as best you can. Don’t try to be cheerful if you are not feeling so. Be whatever you feel you are. Walking with friends helped keep me positive and connected with my world. We’d talk about work and writing and things other than cancer, but I’d talk about cancer if I felt like it. It was much better than sitting inside and talking, and between chemo sessions I needed to have someone to walk with in case I fainted.

The ability to look at others and see there are so many that are worse off was helpful to me.

I am fortunate to have always been a positive person and this was no exception. If you are
experiencing fear or anger that is in any way incapacitating, seek counseling. It is always good to talk to someone who can be an objective listener, especially someone familiar with the subject. A positive attitude makes the journey a lot easier.

I don’t want to be treated as a celebrity for surviving, and my family and friends understand that. There are people that risk their lives, volunteer, do special things for others that we never even know about; they’re the heroes, and I strive to be like them. Having breast cancer made me realize that I am loved beyond my imagination.

I think positivism is bullshit. I hated it when people said to me that I should keep a positive attitude or even complimented me on being so positive. Why should you feel positive? Anger and humor were my best defences and still are. Depressing? You betcha! Self-pity? Why not? Self-blame? Not on your life. Stress? After breast cancer everyday stress is nothing.
(Judith Quinlan, diagnosed in 2001 at age 52)

Take it one step at a time. Don’t look at the big picture but the little steps along the way.
(Linda Bryngelson, New Brighton, MN)

I always worried that my stress or pessimism would bring on a recurrence. I was recently relieved to read a study that shows no connection to recurrence. I am angry and depressed but find that as time goes by, I don’t always think about it 24/7 like I did the first year. I would like to celebrate each year with a big party but still feel too nervous to do so. So I quietly say a prayer of thanks on my anniversary. I try to be aware of every good moment I experience.
(Catherine, Pointe Claire, QC, diagnosed in 2001 at age 39)

Let yourself enjoy your life and put your fears aside as often as possible. Suddenly it becomes a pattern and it makes your life easier and happier.
(Katariina Rautalahti, Järvenpää, Finland, diagnosed in 1999 at age 41)

I do allow myself to feel low every once in a while but only for a day or two. I think after all we have been through it is okay.

I do allow myself to feel low every once in a while but only for a day or two. I think after all we have been through it is okay.

You only have two choices: Be happy with breast cancer or unhappy with breast cancer. I choose to be happy. I have so many blessings in my life and things to be thankful for that I focus on them rather than being sad. I think that this kind of optimism can be learned. I just focus on the next happy moment and try to spend more time with family and friends. Despite all this, I do have my moments. If my husband is traveling and I’m alone with my thoughts, my mind can wonder to places that are very unpleasant.

Helping others always helps me. I enjoy talking with others and sharing my story. People are inspired to hear I have battled this twice in my lifetime.
(Marie, Co. Mayo, Ireland, diagnosed in 1987, recurrence 13 years later)

People were telling me how brave I was. I never felt this way, I simply felt the option of curling up in the fetal position and crying was not going to help anything. Blaming yourself or God or whatever also does no good. I figured I would gain as much control as I could by at least being in charge of my emotions. Was I scared? Hell yes, but I also
always remained optimistic. I have a toddler that needed her mommy. I didn’t have the option of skipping out emotionally.
(Julie Austin, Little Rock, AR, diagnosed in 2000 at age 30)

Both optimism and pessimism have played a role in my surviving cancer. It is a long haul and I was not happy all the time. I was optimistic that what I was doing was the very best I could. Yet within that optimism comes the depression from all the physical changes that occurred to my body—the sleepless nights, the anger and irritability from being overwhelmed and taking the steroids, the fatigue, self-pity, the fear that the treatment may not work, the fear of death and pain, and the frustration of trying to lead a normal life while all the chaos of the treatment is around you. I still struggle with depression and anger, and I go to counseling to discover the root of these emotions and why they still linger.
(Dikla, North Hollywood, CA)

I am a very positive person. Life is too short to worry over something I cannot control. If cancer shows up, then I can take care of it, one way or another. But to sit and think each and every pain is the return of cancer, well, that is time ill spent. Of course, I fear it will return, but my days are for the living. When I wake up in the morning, I can do anything I want. . . I am a woman.

I think what I like most about posting on the Internet is that I can express exactly what I’m thinking or feeling without fear of being judged. My family was not terribly supportive of my ups and downs. I wish they had reacted differently, but at least I had an outlet on the net. The ladies at Healingwell.com are truly friends.

I spent a lot of time in my garden, which I found very therapeutic.
(Dawn, Victoria, BC)

Feel sorry for yourself as often as you need to, but then get on with your life. Exercise is great for pounding out stress, even if it is walking the dogs. Remember to laugh. I can’t stress the positive effects of humor enough. Find someone you can talk to about things. Write in a journal and keep in mind the journal is for your eyes only. It really does help to get the thoughts out of your mind. It is a release.
(Peggy Scott, Waldorf, MD, diagnosed in 2002 at age 46)

My husband and family were very supportive, but sometimes in an effort to help me, they said things that upset me. My dog and cat were a great source of comfort. They just snuggled up next to me, and didn’t say anything.

I am a happy, happy person with an incredible sense of humor. I immediately joined a cancer support group where, instead of crying each week, we visit, we learn about each other’s lives and we laugh... a lot!
(Dawn, North Hollywood, CA, diagnosed in 2001 at age 47)

Try not to sit around too much. Go outside, even for a little walk.
(Carole, Victoria, BC, diagnosed at age 57)

All of us die but not all of us really live fully.
(Janel Dolan Jones, Forth Worth, TX)

When people asked me how I could be so positive I simply said, well I have two choices: I can have cancer and be depressed about it or I can have cancer and enjoy life. In either case I have cancer, so I might as well choose to make the best of it.
(Julie, diagnosed at age 26)

I thought of myself as saving nine of my friends from getting breast cancer (if one in ten gets breast cancer).
(Esther Matsubuchi, North Vancouver, BC)

What helped me to have a positive outlook is realizing that I had two choices: I could lay down and succumb to cancer, or I could stand up and fight it. I chose to fight it. I choose life. I choose to view the glass as half full now, because life is truly too short. I live without fear in life and always ask for what I want. I figure the worse thing that can happen is someone tells me “no.” I am seeking experiences I never thought of seeking before. I love life and hope to accomplish a great deal and make a difference in this world.

I joined a survivor dragon boat team and I’ve never looked back. I have more friends who are there for me than I ever had in my life. Having cancer has given me more gifts than I can possibly count.

Keeping as much normalcy as possible in my life at a time when my health was turning me upside down was very important to keeping me focused on moving forward.

I used to vent my fears while in the shower, crying and getting angry at what had happened to me. That seemed to keep me on a balance, so I could deal with the reality of it next day. I did not need antidepressants or counseling.
(Amy Murphy, diagnosed in 2002 at age 32)

I wish I had spoken with a counselor sooner. It did help me to speak with a non-family member with an objective point of view.
(Kristina, diagnosed in 1995 at age 39)

I have become a more positive person and take nothing for granted. Problems are relative and I use my cancer experience as a reminder of what constitutes a really bad day. I am more likely to say what I feel and ask for what I want now. Life is too short.

With all that I do, you would think that I am guaranteed to never get cancer again or at least catch it before it does any deadly damage—the truth is there are no guarantees in life. I trust my own instincts and I make all the decisions.
(Heather Resnick, Thornhill, ON, diagnosed in 1997 at age 43)

I have nine siblings and their encouragement and prayers helped a lot. I had my pity parties (weepy and anxious) and then I would dry the tears and do something uplifting like sit in my backyard and enjoy nature, listening to self-help tapes and music I love.

Cancer is my shadow. It is with me always. I would love for someone to tell me how to deal with the emotional and physical fatigue, since I haven’t found an answer yet. I am on an antidepressant, and I have a counselor. I generally have a very positive attitude, but it’s impossible not to be angry. It will be a while yet before I am able to really put this behind me.
(Jennifer, diagnosed in 2001 at age 27)

I think of myself as a realist. I am optimistic, but I don’t want to put my head in the sand and not see reality either. This diagnosis was a real enlightenment in seeing how people deal with accepting this news. Many people are afraid to hear about it. Some stopped calling and only started calling after the treatment was over. I felt that I had to always be happy and optimistic with others and deal with other, more negative emotions such as fear, alone. The second time, four years later, my friends were very supportive and brought me through it. And I have learned who I can discuss my true emotions with, without upsetting them.
(Donna Tremblay, diagnosed in 1992 at age 33, recurrence in 1996)

After the treatments, I had a depression or something like it. I did not want any more medicine so I started running even more. Within 5 months after ending all my treatments, I ran the Copenhagen Marathon. When I ran, I could keep up the good spirit. I believe that exercising is very important if you tend to get depressed. If I should die before old age, I would like to say and for my family to say, “She was great fun and happy when she was here.”
(Karen Lisa Hilsted, Denmark)

I surround myself with positive thoughts and people. I borrowed funny books and movies. My life is happy and complete, and I sleep well. I was determined not to live my life counting the days and years from my diagnosis.
(Yvette, Victoria, BC, diagnosed in 2002 at age 47)

Being able to sleep is a requisite for healing. Part of being able to cope was just leaving it all behind. I went camping with some women, nearly froze to death, but was able to not think about cancer for a few days.
(Sharron, diagnosed in 2002 at age 62)

It helped me a lot to go out, to see people, to dress well and to look good. I felt less like a patient then. I forgot my problems for a moment. I was back in real life and really enjoyed it. Then I lived more intensively than before.

I don’t know if a positive attitude will add any days, weeks, or even years to my life. But I do know that it makes life more enjoyable, not only for me but for those around me as well. It’s now 28 months later, and I’m still enjoying life to the fullest! (The initial prognosis was less than 3-6 months to live.) I still work full-time in my Healthy Exchanges endeavors, I still garden with a passion, and I still love doing things with my family, especially having my grandchildren stay with us on weekends.
(JoAnna Lund, DeWitt, IA, diagnosed in 2002)

Initially, I wrestled with what I could have done to prevent this, and realized that it was too late to change anything. I had to move forward and deal with this disease and overcome it.

Fear will magnify every negative you experience.

Optimism plays a huge role during the emotional roller coaster during cancer. A patient needs to be able to express those hard, difficult, negative feelings, and often this is better to do with someone outside the family who is not as close to the situation. I found that people like to be able to help but often don’t know how best to help, so let them know specifically what you need. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, whether it’s with daily activities, needing a ride somewhere, childcare, meals, laundry, yard work, or just needing to get out of the house for a change of scenery, or having someone to talk to.