Tips on returning to normalcy? Take your time. Rest. Rest. Exercise. Rest some more. Read. Walk. Swim. Dance. Whatever. But do eat well and rest when you need to. Go back to work when you are ready. If it is possible to work part-time and if you can afford to do so, do it.

I was concerned about the effect my scars from many surgeries might have on my sex life, but I have so far found those fears to be unfounded. The men in my life have made it very clear that they are pleased with the results of the reconstruction and just happy that I have had a place in their lives.

The only thing I miss from pre-cancer days is my boob. I love my new life and wouldn’t give it up, not even for a new boob. I have started a new business for women with mastectomies. I realized that there are only bras and bathing suits but nothing for intimacy. This is so exciting—who would have thought?
(Jacqui, Courtenay, BC, diagnosed in 2002 at age 38)

My breast that had the cancer is not the same as the other one. It is harder and quite a bit more tender. I must remind my husband of this. The disease of cancer affected me in many ways. I keep thinking about retirement, but then thought, gee, go out and enjoy yourself while you can. I wonder if I’ll make it to age say, 65 or so and, if I do, what will the quality of my life be. But, then I wonder if most people 56 years old think the same thing. I would have to say that my outlook on the future is probably shorter than that of others.

Life is better. I see things differently and appreciate everything. I appreciate the little things I never noticed before. I am now taking more time for myself and getting to know myself. The difficult step for me is in finding a partner (boyfriend). Half the time I have neither the energy nor desire to pursue a relationship. I also worry about how my illness will complicate things. I miss having the energy and stamina I used to have. I miss riding my bike and hiking. I miss being able to travel freely.
(Kathy Reeve, North Vancouver, BC, diagnosed in 2002 at age 32)

As I am continually in active treatment, my life is definitely different. I have lost two breasts, good arm mobility, stamina etc. but I have gained many things also—to value each day, to do what I love and say no to the rest, to celebrate small things and drink champagne for no reason at all!

I am happy the same intimacy is still there, my husband is very supportive, and I do not feel that he sees me any differently than before my surgery. The return to work was met with tentative glances by some and outright questions by others, which I welcomed. They were sweet with flowers and cards, something I will always remember.

My life is better now but some aspects are definitely harder. It is better because my priorities are crystallized. I just don’t see things the same way or get all bent out of shape about unimportant things. I don’t waste my time on things that don’t seem important. I have developed a number of new interests and have a wisdom I did not have before. I have much deeper spiritual beliefs and I am not afraid of death in the same way I was before. I focus more on the daily gifts life offers. But, it was an incredibly painful experience to go through and I don’t feel safe the way I did before. I have faced my mortality to a much greater degree, and that is a freeing and burdening experience. The treatment has affected my sex drive. I have gained weight and have gone into a much earlier perimenopause. I want to make sure my time on earth is spent doing what is important to me and giving back good things to the world.

Things are much better. I put my health ahead of everything. I made a wonderful career change and completely engaged in my new profession. In simplifying life as much as possible and only volunteering for things I fully believe in, I believe I am a better person and partner and friend.

What I miss most from my life before is a kind of innocence, the feeling of “nothing bad will happen to me.” I do appreciate life more. Somehow colors are more intense. I do not postpone my plans. I do things here and now which makes life very exiting. Most of all I appreciate the people around me. I have noticed that when I give something, I get it back double.
(Katariina Rautalahti, Järvenpää, Finland, diagnosed in 1999
at age 41, recurrence in 2003 at age 45)

I will never say that I’m thankful for my cancer. In fact, I don’t understand when people say that. All I know is that the past can’t be undone. I can only learn from the bad experiences of life. Now, I don’t put myself last. I have decided to worry about myself, to enjoy life, not to always sacrifice for the rest of the family and if they like it, fine and if they don’t, tough. That is the lesson I learned but I wish I could have learned it without the cancer. I miss the years of youth I lost although each day less, as I’m getting closer to what would be a natural menopause-age. I don’t fret about little things. Sweating with a hot flash does not help you feel sexy; I’d
always have a fresh shower before having sex, with the window open, even in winter. I recommend brisk walks for exercise with upbeat
music coming through my headset.
(Laura, Navarra, Spain, diagnosed in 1998 at age 41)

The little things don’t bother me anymore, my family means more to me, and life in general is great. My family has grown closer from all that we’ve been through this last year. It was rough at first when they thought they were going to lose their mother. Then my last child was starting college and she didn’t want to leave but we got through it. What I miss most is my sex life, it’s like someone turned off the switch and it’s just not working anymore. I’m just happy to be here, a year ago I never would have believed what I’d go through. How much your life can change in one year! I’ve signed my whole family up to do the Race & Walk for the Cure through the Susan G. Komen foundation on Mother’s Day. My kids were the ones who suggested it as a present for Mom and what she’s been through since last Mother’s Day. I can’t think of a better gift than that, can you?

I miss the body I had before cancer.

I eat better now—more fruits and vegetables even if they are not on sale. I miss the days before when I would always be thinking long term, in 15, 25 years. Now I think more about the present.
(Lorraine Zakaib, Kirkland, QC, diagnosed in 2002 at age 49)

I debated about whether or not to try to keep my online business going during this time. I did shut down briefly after my surgery to recover.  My husband advised me to resume business, pacing myself so that I did not overdo it. He said that I needed something else to think about other than my cancer and the treatment. I think staying busy doing something you enjoy is important. (I could have stayed busy cleaning house, but that was not something I would have looked forward to!) It is important to keep planning ahead, to keep doing things that you enjoy. 

My husband and I conquered the “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health” vow. Our marriage is stronger than ever before.
(Catherine, Pointe Claire, QC, diagnosed in 2001 at age 39)

I have many concerns about my sexuality. My husband is tolerating the decrease in our sex life but once chemo is done, we’ll both be interested to see if my libido returns. I miss that very, very happy feeling I had right before I was diagnosed. We were about to celebrate our 2nd anniversary. My baby was about 6 months old, which is the beginning of such a great time in his development. My job was going pretty well. Everything seemed to be so lined up and then the floor caved in. I miss the feeling that I had that maybe I had lucked out and my mother’s breast cancer genes had not been passed on. What I miss most is the idea that I can carry another child.

Life is better now. I take time to smell the roses as they say. I notice more of the little things that didn’t seem important before my cancer. Intimacy is just as good as it was before cancer. We are planning on retiring this year. Waking up each morning beside my husband is one of the joys of life, as is seeing my kids and grandkids.

I have made a pact with myself to start exercising again. I miss my carefree attitude prior to cancer. It seems to lurk in the back of my mind. But I tend to be very optimistic. My doctors have given me a good prognosis, and I intend to do my part to make it come true.
(Rita, Santa Clarita, CA)

At one time I didn’t always like the idea of another birthday, another year older. Well, now I am so happy and thankful that I am here for another birthday, another year older, aren’t I lucky to be 58 now and soon 59! I enjoy family gatherings even more, so I value each one and thank God I am here to see and take part in it.
(Carole, Victoria, BC, diagnosed ate age 57)

I am more aware of my eating habits these days as I grow older. It doesn’t mean I won’t cheat, but I keep working at eating better. Our family is probably much closer because of this disease, more so than most families. We understand how short a life can be and appreciate knowing that we live for each day. Having to take that fancy vacation or buy all those wonderful expensive things is not a priority in our lives.

Although cancer has ruined my life in some ways, it also has enriched it. When I have a chance to travel now, I take it. I no longer put off things that I want to do. The down side is that although I’m doing okay, I can’t help but feel I’m on borrowed time and that I need to do everything I can before the cancer comes back.
(Leslie, Springfield, VA)

Better now. Cancer gave me a direction and purpose I didn’t have. What I miss is my lymph nodes and arm without lymphedema! My experience had a ripple effect on my family, being particularly hard on my half-grown children. We went for counseling and found it helpful.
(Bev Parker, Naperville, IL, diagnosed in 1985 at age 40, recurrence in 2001)

Reclaiming life was and is the most difficult thing. We are never same after such an experience. It taught me a better way to view my femininity.
(Beverly Vote, Lebanon, MO, diagnosed in 2002 at age 37)

My marriage became much better, but our sex life is not as good. I am able to achieve an orgasm, but have no desire for sex.

I read articles all promising I will become noble, peaceful, a better person after cancer. Really? Where can I send such a claim? I did not see a page turn. Yet I do look at everything differently now and, when there is a problem, I calmly think that sooner or later there will be a solution and often a good one. Yet, I do realize that the small joys in my life are now the big ones, so perhaps this then is growth.

Because of some of the side effects of chemotherapy, I have been unable to go back to work. I spend a lot of time at home and more time each day with my children. I worship life... I look forward to not waking up and thinking, “I have cancer.” Instead, I look forward to years from now saying, “I had cancer.” I was told not to eat soy, or chocolate, or drink coffee. I gave up soy, but the chocolate and coffee (I switched to decaf) won’t go away.
(Dawn, North Hollywood, CA, diagnosed in 2001 at age 47)

I am a survivor! That is now my attitude. I know now that I can bounce back, that I can be productive. I am no longer so complacent about life and try to live each day to it’s fullest.
(Sherry Gaffney, diagnosed in 1989 at age 47)

After a short adjustment to my new breasts, my husband and I have resumed our sexual relationship to its pre-cancer level. At first I missed my real breasts and the sensations from them but have adjusted and hardly think about it anymore.

Life is better in many ways... what I’ve learned to deal with is the scarring of my body. I don’t miss anything from pre-cancer days, my life has just moved forward. I experience joys of ordinary life completely and fully. I don’t dwell on being a cancer survivor, that is not who I am, since it just happens to be part of my story.

I feel very powerful over my own future, and very useful to others facing illness.

Since my daughter was only 6 years old when I had the recurrence and I was a business owner, I was fortunate enough to have the option to retire. As aggressive as I was in business, I pondered quite awhile on this decision. My love and concern for my family was a priority. At this point, I wonder why I pondered at all. I love being a Mommy and life is good.
(Roberta R. Nordby, Redmond, WA, diagnosed in 1984 at age 29)

I’m a survivor. Aren’t we all survivors of something?

The only thing I miss is the absence of fear of cancer. I never thought about it. My breasts were so small I never thought the cancer cells would find their way. I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. I did change my diet. I take vitamins and supplements. I buy more organic products. Before I was diagnosed with cancer I seemed to put off traveling. Now I plan on traveling more. Most people think “death” when they hear the word “cancer.” At first I did, too. I have talked to many people who are breast cancer survivors and who have lived for years after their diagnosis. I know of people who have died from breast cancer. I am not going to worry about it anymore. Worrying doesn’t help and it is a waste of my energy. I now put my energy in my family and friends, playing piano, exercising, and reading.

My life is absolutely better now, and I would not trade my experience for anything. In a way, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It made me realize life was too short. Moreover, it made me pursue goals I would never have otherwise pursued. I have achieved a degree. I delivered the commencement address in front of nearly 4,000 people. I had some poetry published. I’m writing a book. I’m working on a master’s degree. I’m making new friends. I’m more dedicated at my job and grateful to the corporation at which I work. And I am very happy to be alive and well. Being a breast cancer survivor made my self-esteem skyrocket and made me realize there is nothing I cannot do. It is about setting goals and seizing opportunities.

Gardening and playing in the dirt is something I wait for and anticipate all winter. Do something you love, whether it is sewing, reading, catching up on some needlework or whatever. Daydream. Let your thoughts wonder. Sing. Laugh. Do whatever gives you pleasure. I don’t set goals anymore. Things that once were monumental, I don’t let loom over the horizon. I really look after myself, too, getting at least eight hours of sleep each night. My cancer experience has had numerous silver linings. I have met some of the most interesting, absolutely delightful people, have come to know myself and my beliefs better than I ever thought I could. I’ve come to value the depths of the unconditional love of my wonderful husband, who tells me every day I’m beautiful (with or without clothes on). I am pretty adamant about not having a reconstructive surgery. It’s not an issue for me. I wear a prosthesis to work or to go out, otherwise my friends and family know the situation and they don’t care. I find it more comfortable to be without. I’ve come to appreciate the wisdom, love, and support of my children. When I asked them how they got to be so wise, they said, “From you, Mom.” It’s OK to jump on the bed with my two-year-old granddaughter and to sing so loud the cat runs to the basement. I pamper myself and indulge in some of the most wonderful French soaps and lotions, and luxurious bed and bath linens. Expensive, yes, but I am worth it! I guess because our budget is so very tight, to the point of struggling occasionally, that it’s like giving myself a hug to have these things and probably why I appreciate them so much. And every day I allow myself a treat of some sort. It may be a bowl of low-fat, sugar-free ice cream, just playing in my garden, losing myself in my latest gardening magazine. Or it may be just sitting quietly watching a simple little ladybug, a beautiful sunrise, or listening to the wind in the trees. It all brings me such pleasure. This is life! This is what it’s all about. I love it! Thanks, cancer.
(Virginia, diagnosed in 2001 at age 57)

Since my cancer, I have learned not to sweat the small stuff, and I relax more. So what if the house isn’t spotless? I have learned to do the things I want to do, and I have become selfish. I raised six kids. I am now 60, and this is my time.
(Chris Lengert, Campbell River, BC, diagnosed in 1996 at age 52)

My family watches me carefully. I find I am careful not to alarm them, careful of the information I give them, as the fear makes them anxious. We all have to go on living the best we can, and we can’t if we’re worried.

We all (my family) appreciate each day, and each other so much more. We don’t know when our time may run out, so we can’t waste a day being mad at each other or not let each other know how much they are loved.
(Lori Hughes, diagnosed at age 35)

I think it a joy to be living here on the Victoria Island. It is such a beautiful place. I always laugh and say, “Next stop Heaven!” Not just yet though!
(Amy Murphy, diagnosed in 2002 at age 32)

I recommend kickboxing (such a feeling of power) and yoga (clears your mind, strengthens your body and puts you back in touch with your beauty, inside and out). I’m still learning how to reclaim my life. Every day is a gift.

Intimacy has not changed, the love is still there, maybe even deeper as we realize how precious time is with each other. Material things are not as important as we thought they once were. I am a breast cancer survivor.

I feel I was robbed of a part of my youth. My life will never be the same, but it is not necessarily worse. I have learned a lot, and I have a much greater appreciation for life and love than ever before.
(Jennifer, diagnosed in 2001 at age 27)

Before cancer I was a power walker, can’t do it anymore. I’m happier now, different things in my life are more important. Started singing again, became a minimalist, taking time for me. Don’t know if I can be in a relationship again. I like myself.
(Cordelia Styles, Quesnel, BC)

My life is 100% better now than before cancer. I am actually living it, controlling my life, speaking up when I don’t agree. I am much more active and have many more friends. I miss absolutely nothing from my pre-cancer days. There are so many joys of ordinary life... we just have to think about them.

It has liberated me and given me greater strength and energy I didn’t know I had. There is nothing like a life-threatening illness to make you examine your priorities and the meaning of your life. I am liberating myself from clutter and unnecessary stressors, doing things I’ve always wanted to do but put off for a better time. There is no better time, I realize now.
(Yvette, Victoria, BC, diagnosed in 2002 at age 47)

I remarried and found a wonderful friend, wife and life partner. We have been married for ten years and have two children. My new family is a constant source of joy to me, something I had once thought lost forever when my first wife died of breast cancer. As a cancer researcher myself I resolved to work on the disease and to do whatever I could to ease the suffering associated with cancer of the breast.
(Dr. Barry J. Barclay, St. Albert, AB)

My experience with cancer has brought my husband and I closer and closer. I miss my body from precancer days. I have so much numbness from surgery after the reconstruction that my body still feels alien to me. Also have numbness in my fingertips and pain in my feet from Taxol treatments. I can certainly live with this, so it’s not a big deal. I’m fairly active and have a pretty healthy diet, however, I’m sure there’s room for improvement. Spending time with my wonderful husband and daughter is my greatest joy here on earth. I love being a wife and mommy!
(Heather Resnick, Thornhill, ON, diagnosed in 1997 at age 43, recurrence in 1999)

I now have no sensation in my breasts whereas this used to be my pleasure zone. This has been tough for us.
(Carolyn S. Olson, diagnosed at age 37)

I have learned how to prioritize. My life is not as action-filled and can’t be as exciting as it was in my 20s. But it is more focused and much more interesting now than had I not had the cancer. In December 1997, I joined a dragon boat racing team of breast cancer survivors and experienced feelings of such excitement that I hadn’t had since I was a child. The team has become a “floating support group,” although we are usually too excited and lively to need support. The team offers me a great combination of what I found to be my new plan, and this is my recipe for emotional and physical health—the motivation of staying physically active, the benefit of being with women who have been through it as well, and being able to speak and joke about the experience uncensored, the excitement of team sport, competition and the respect it brings from others—not pity, but respect. This team is my stability, since it gave me something to be motivated by and gave me wonderful friends and warriors in the process.
(Donna Tremblay, diagnosed in 1992 at age 33, recurrence in 1996)

I am an optimistic person, but life has always been kind of hard. I have now more confidence. Sometimes I really surprise myself with my ability to do the things I do. I am not so scared anymore. Sometimes I say when you have been able to go to work everyday with a bald head and a fire-red burnt face, there isn’t anything else that seems too scary. The thing I miss from precancer is the complete and free use of my left arm. Due to the lymphedema, I have to keep it wrapped or wear a sleeve and try not to lift as much. The effect on intimacy is interesting. My partner is okay about my breasts being gone. My chest is hard though. One side is very bony and there isn’t much padding. Other than that, we have improvised. Getting back to exercise was necessary. This is the key to my feeling good. I was so weak when I started but it didn’t take long to build up, just a few months.
(Deborah, diagnosed in 2002 at age 46)

I definitely am convinced that my life is better now. I know myself better, I respect my body and my mind. I take more decisions than before. I make more choices. The day I was 30, I dressed in black to bury my youth. The day I was 40, I wanted to stay in bed the whole day. Now I’m just 50 and it is the first time that I am so glad that it is my birthday, even if it is my fiftieth. I live my life. I’m so glad I’m alive.

I sold my gallery to reduce stress and to pursue my artistic endeavors. I created “Visual Voices” (plaster casts of breast cancer patients with personal stories). I became involved with breast cancer awareness, began to speak to women’s groups and write articles in the local newspapers. I organized candlelight “Celebration of Life” events and became a “visitor” support person with the Canadian Cancer Society. I arranged for interviews on our local television programming and radio stations. I became involved with our local Breast Health Group at Breast Self-Examination Clinics. I am a representative with the Alliance for Breast Cancer Information and Support B.C. & Yukon and belong to the International Support Link created during the 3rd World Conference on Breast Cancer. I found that the more positive thoughts I had, the more negative issues receded and good things seem to happen, so I became open to all possibilities. We each have gifts or lessons to receive and give and often these are recognized and brought forward during our most trying times.

I found that my first priority in life now is to enjoy it with friends.

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